It is said that when Rangers were combing Europe for a new manager they made an approach to the manager of Iceland. When he turned them down they then asked the manager of Farmfoods.

The Rangers team, having won something worth celebrating, are enjoying a lavish dinner at a fairly posh city restaurant. Having polished off an aperitif or four, they are now being asked by the waiters what they would like for starters. One player orders melon balls and is busy thinking up a suitable witticism that this would lend itself to when the waiter enquires if he would like ginger with the melon.
'Naw, ye're all right, pal,' he lets the waiter know, The boss has just ordered a boatle of wine.'

Gazza : Wahey Boss! ken that jiggisaw puzzle I wiz doing? Yeel never guess - I've finished it and only took me 6 months!
Walter Smith : Well, what's so good about 6 months???
Gazza : Like it says Gaffer - on the box it said '3 to 6 years'

Dick Advocat was caught for speeding on his way to Murray Park today. "I'll do anything for 3 points", he said when questioned 

Q: How many Rangers fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't matter, cos they're all condemned to eternal darkness anyway. 

Alex McLeish was going to the Gers halloween party as a pumpkin.
Come midnight he still hadn't turned into a coach. 

Barry 'the Bazman' Ferguson walks into a bar with a pile of dog crap in his hand and says to the bartender...'Look what I nearly trod in!!' 

An Aberdeen fan is trapped on a remote desert island with a sheep and a dog. Soon, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the Aberdeen fan. However, whenever he approaches a sheep the dog growls in a threatening manner.

The Aberdeen fan takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The Aberdeen fan ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck.

By now, Aberdeen fan is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf.

She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The Aberdeen fan thinks for a moment and then responds, "Could you take the dog for a walk?

Q: How is a pint of milk different then a hun?
A: If you leave the milk out for a week it develops a culture! 

Q: What's the difference between a Hun and a sperm?
A: At least a sperm has one chance in 5 million of becoming a human being. 

Q. What's Blue, white, red and funny?
A: A bus load of Rangers supporters going over a cliff. 

Q: What's the difference between Rangers and a three pin plug?
A: Their both absolutely useless in Europe. 

There's a rumour going about that if you buy a season ticket at Ibrox then you get a free space suit. Apparently it's due to the lack of atmosphere... 

Q: How do you save a blue nosed Bear from drowning?
A: Take yer foot aff his heid. 

Q: What's the difference between a busload of Rangers fans and a Hedgehog?
A: On a hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside. 

Q: What do Haemhorroids and Gers Fans have in common?
A: They're both a complete pain in the arse and never seem to go away completely 

Q: What do Beckham and Rangers FC both have in common?
A: Both got F***ked by Victoria 

Q: Why did the Gers fan NEVER cross the road?
A: He was waiting for the Green Man to turn Orange.

A fella is going through the park one day when he sees a child being attacked by a large Rottweiler. Fearing not for his safety, he leaps on the manky beast and after a struggle manages to break it's neck and kill it.

Now this violent scenario was witnessed by a reporter for the Daily Record, who approaches the man to offer his congratulations. He asks if he can run the story of great bravery in the paper next day. Our hero agrees to this.

The reporter then asks if the man is a Celtic supporter. When told no, he says "that's a pity - I would have used the headline 'Tim Saves Tot'...

The reporter then asks if the fella is by any chance a Falkirk supporter. Again, unfortunately the answer is no ..."you see I could have used Bairn Saves Bairn"...

When asked which team he actually does support the rescuer replies "I'm a Rangers Follower".....

"Ah, I see. Well sir, tonight I'll see what I can do with that", comes the reply.

The following morning, the headline on page 2 of the Daily Record reads:-

"ORANGE B******D SAVAGES FAMILY PET"